I’m creating my new vegetable beds via compost sandwiches this year. While I’m getting them put together a little later than I had hoped for – they are coming together. I still have plenty of months ahead before the serious spring rolls back around. I’m thrilled knowing that the compost sandwiches are going to call in the decomposers of the world through the cold months.

And I haven’t met a decomposer I didn’t like. Both microorganism and macroorganism construction crews are some of the most honest workers you’ll ever meet and they’ll take the sod on my back lawn and make it heaven-on-earth for next year’s vegetable seedlings.

When everything is constructed, I’ll put a proper post on Vegetable Gardener.com. But I wanted to show you what I’ve been up to the past couple of days. Husband extraordinaire built three bed frames on top of our back lawn. Why three? Everything in gardening looks better in odd numbers – it’s a design thing.

Note that we’re leaving the grass patches in between the beds. Not only does it look nice, but it’s great for foot paths during planting and harvesting. In suburbia, we typically don’t have wide expansions of land, so traipsing mud into the house is almost certain – the lawn will cut back on that.

There’s no law that says you have to frame your compost sandwich – it isn’t necessary. We just wanted to. The total on the wood and screws for the frames was $66.00 ($22.00 per bed). We had been collecting cardboard anything that came out of our home for the past month or so. Then we took the cardboard and spread it out inside the beds over every piece of lawn. This is the first layer. Among the cardboard is a lot of cereal, pizza, and snack boxes.
This first layer of future garden soil was completely free.

While we’ve always put our cardboard into the recycle bin (and indeed, this is suppose to be the best eco-way to reuse paper products), I’m now irrationally attached to any cardboard going out the door.

For everyone who thinks I’m bashing suburbia: I reserve the right to do so as I’m a suburbanite extraordinaire and damn proud of it. (I admit the lawn thing pinched). It’s all in my sinister plan to turn suburbia into little micro-farms.

(I didn’t write the piece below; it was sent to me by my sister-in-law, Cindy Lou Who, who received it in an email.)

GOD:

Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?

I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:

It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:

Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:

Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:

The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:

Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it – sometimes twice a week.

GOD:

They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:

Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:

They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:

No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:

Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:

Yes, Sir.

GOD:

These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:

You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:

What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:

You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:

No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:

After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:

And where do they get this mulch?

ST FRANCIS:

They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:

Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:

‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….

GOD:

Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St Francis.

Photo by One Tree Hill Studios